Searching For Yourself.

Are you searching for yourself? When you think of the the number of books, videos, podcasts, seminars, etc., devoted to self realization it's almost like everyone, everywhere, is looking to find themselves and become more of what they think they should be. 

While this searching represents a genuine interest in personal growth, it can perpetuate the idea that who you are is somehow not enough.

We look for ourselves in what we say and do. We look at our circumstances and assess ourselves based on our perception of these circumstances. We judge ourselves based on our assessment of our friends, family, and coworkers.

Many of us are so invested in finding ourselves we miss the profundity of who we already are. In the process we unintentionally sabotage our self esteem. If that's you, you're not alone by any stretch of the imagination.

Few things have such an empowering influence on our self esteem than seeing ourselves with crystal clarity and accepting ourselves - as we are - unconditionally.

I can't say that I always see myself with that kind of clarity or accept my self unconditionally. My belief, however, is that I'm always being my best self. When I'm unconscious of this, I look elsewhere to find myself; compare myself to the perception I have of the people and circumstances in my life and often lose in that comparison. 

One of the most important catalysts for realizing and accepting yourself unconditionally is acknowledging yourself - with genuine interest and regularity. Investing your time and energy in acknowledging yourself, at least to the same degree as you compare and invalidate yourself, will replace automaticity with consciousness and self questioning with acceptance. And, you'll find yourself to be exactly as you are....complete, whole, and perfect.

 

Mistaking contentment for complacency.

Don't mistake contentment for complacency.  

I have. Many of us do. Doing so, we deny ourselves the experience of contentment for fear of becoming complacent. 

 

Definition of complacency:  'a feeling of security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.' 

 

That is not contentment! 

I often work with people who confuse the two. As I share about contentment being something we will work towards experiencing I often get push back. The concern that seems to come up is that contentment will lead to complacency and diminish any ambition to improve their circumstances. 

 

Being complacent is a comfort zone. Sitting in a familiar old raggedy chair can be so very comfortable. But, it is not an authentic representation - or an acknowledgement - of all you have learned, achieved, and deserve in life.

Definition of contentment: a state of happiness and genuine satisfaction.

  

Contentment is a starting place; A place from which to grow - rather than a place to get to. A place from which you can ask yourself "what do I want?" as opposed to "what do I need?" Avoid the feeling of contentment for fear of becoming complacent and you will perpetuate thinking that contentment is something to be found outside of yourself; Never quite within reach.

Being content is an experience associated with self esteem and a solid foundation from which to leap forward. 

Truth is, I'm still a student learning to separate and experience contentment. And, occasionally, when not confusing the two I get to it.

YEAR OF THE SHEEP:

YEAR OF THE SHEEP:

According to Chinese Astrology, 2015 is the year of the Yin Wood Sheep which brings about a soft, gentle and feminine energy.

2014, the year of the Yang Wood Horse saw a lot of dominant action, energy and transformations taking place but as the galloping horse begins to fade, the energy of the Yin Wood Sheep (or Goat) will take its place.

Beginning today,  February 19th, 2015- the start of the Chinese new year, the energy is going to shift to a more inward state. This is because the energy is moving from Yang (outward/masculine) into Yin (inward/feminine).

Yin energy is very creative, intuitive and gentle. Instead of everything moving fast and abruptly like yang energy, yin energy gives us time to focus, get centered and take stock over what we have created so far.

The element of Wood returns this year too and brings the energy of groundedness and understanding oneself on a deeper level. In fact, this wood energy complements the demeanour of the Sheep perfectly.

The Sheep symbolizes the energy of generosity, patience and peacefulness. The goal of the sheep is to create harmony and beauty within the home and family and is often considered to be the most feminine of all the Chinese zodiac animals.

Just like the horse, the sheep is extremely intuitive, the only difference is the sheep is a lot more emotional, and has more awareness to heal, nurture and tend to issues that are causing suffering.

This year will be about knowing yourself clearly and deeply, forgiving yourself, clearing past wounds and accepting who you are. 

We are being called upon to nurture ourselves, our friends and family and to go after our desires with patience, love and kindness.

2015 will also ask us to shed our ego and will not favor greed, overspending or unconscious business practices. Instead, the sheep calls us to practice modesty, charity and to delight in the smaller, more delicate aspects of life.

The sheep will also guide us to tune into our intuition and emotional well-being while still being receptive to the emotions of others. She asks that we use our mind and heart to make decisions, rather than force and aggression.

In Chinese culture, it is believed that those born under the year of the sheep are destined to be followers, not leaders however, in terms of dealing with the energy for 2015, we are being asked to manage what we have already
created in 2014 and ‘follow’ our instincts.

The Yin Wood Sheep reminds us that home is where the heart is, and that loving yourself, feeling safe and surrounding yourself with a loving group of friends and family is paramount to your life’s work. It is the sheep's desire that we go within, pay attention to the small things and to nurture others and ourselves.

Have this be the year to get the coaching to see more clearly your worth and value, trust yourself more deeply, treat yourself as you would want to be treated by others, and live your life with the kind of authenticity that will manifest in having more of what you want show up.

Be True!

Love,
Rj

Don't Mistake Contentment For Complacency.

Don't mistake contentment for complacency.  

Many of us do make this association. If you do, you will deny yourself the  experience of contentment out of fear of becoming complacent.  

Definition of complacency:  'a feeling of security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.' 

That is not contentment! 

I often hear people say that they don't want to become content because they will  lose any ambition to improve their circumstances. That's an example of not  understanding the difference between these two states of being.  

Being complacent is more synonymous with a comfort zone. Like sitting in an old  raggedy chair can be familiar and comfortable. But, it is likely not an  authentic representation of all you have learned, achieved, and deserve. That  might well be something more like a beautiful red velvet chaise lounge.  

Definition of contentment: a state of happiness and genuine satisfaction. 

I don't consider contentment as synonymous with a comfort zone. I have  experienced, and witnessed others experience, contentment as a starting place. A  place in which to grow from. Rather than a place to get to. A place from which you can ask yourself "what do I want?" as opposed to "what do I need?" 

Avoiding the experience of Contentment for fear of becoming complacent will  perpetuate your thinking that contentment is something to find outside yourself and, therefore, never quite within reach.

Being content within and with yourself is, in my thinking, an experience associated with self esteem. And, as such, a solid platform from which to leap forward. Identifying where you're at in relationship to where you want to be is an essential prerequisite to finding this quality within yourself. The "where" in this case being as much an internal experience as an exterior set of circumstances.

Looking to find contentment within yourself rather than concerning yourself with the circumstances you believe to be the cause of it's lacking will often bring up fear. But, fear is an unavoidable experience of stepping outside your comfort zone....moving toward something unfamiliar yet desired.

Certainly it's possible to get stuck in fear. But, that usually is a result of  wresting to get rid of it....as in the saying; what you resist, persists. 

Complacency is alluring. Especially when we are confronted by fear. But, once we develop the understanding to see and experience fear as an indication of forward movement, we will stop wrestling with it and embrace it as sign of getting to where we want to be. And that could be content.

Where and When Will We Discover What Enough Is?

Too much of this. Too little of that. Wouldn't you like to know when enough is enough? 


If so, look inward. 

There's very little satisfaction associated with having too much or too little 
of something, taking on too much or too little responsibility, or considering 
ourselves as doing too much or too little. This bouncing back and forth between 
these two considerations, never quite identifying when we are or have done 
enough, perpetuates a limiting self concept.... Thinking of ourselves as not 
enough. 

When will we find enough to be doing exactly what we are doing, exactly the way 
we're doing it, and with whom we are doing it? 

Sometimes we extend ourselves in ways that go beyond what would be true and 
authentic. 

We may find ourselves continuing to participate in a conversation that we have 
lost interest in. Or, we take on a greater degree of responsibility for something that, 

had we taken a bit more time to consider, isn't in keeping with our values 
or other time commitments. 

In other circumstances, we may think that we've neglected to take on the proper 
amount of responsibility in a matter. Or, we will turn down an opportunity that, 
had we considered more thoughtfully, we would have preferred to take advantage 
of.

In many instances we all find ourselves having this debate in our heads 
questioning what 'enough' is. 

The dictionary defines 'enough' as: "adequate for the want or need; sufficient 
for the purpose or to satisfy desire"

I define 'enough' as being wholly acceptable exactly as it is. 


It's not uncommon to consider, in whatever we may be doing, what others may think 

of as 'enough'. But, if we keep using what we believe others would think, we'll 

never find this quality within ourselves.

Living With Depression.

I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said; about suicide, the 
prevention of suicide, or the loss that everyone suffers as a result of the 
suicide. Especially when we lose someone as special a person and performer as 
Robin Williams. 

I was still a teenager when I first stumbled upon Mork, the tv alien who was 
played by Robin Williams with an over-the-top comedic outrageousness. I didn't 
watch a lot of tv back then. But, 'Mork and Mindy' was exceptional. And, Robin's 
unique talent made it so. I can only imagine the out takes were just as 
hilarious. And, his stand up routines were captivating. It seemed as though he 
really was an alien comic who could exude such spontaneity and wit I'd never 
seen before on earth. A huge loss for for so many that found his genius to be as 
unique as it was human. 

I agree with those inside and outside of the medical profession. Depression is 
and should be considered a disease. No more or less so than cancer or any other 
medical disorder. 

I just read how suicide trumps many other causes of death. Including car 
accidents which have been addressed with seat belts and a growing assortment of 
technological advances in automobile safety. The stigma depression still 
carries, I believe, is a significant hurdle to overcome. As with so many 
emotions, we've been indoctrinated to believe that there are good ones and bad 
ones. And the bad ones we not only hide from others, we deny to ourselves. And, 
so we do not acknowledge, let alone share, these experiences which could 
otherwise provide us with the perspective and permission to be healthfully 
addressed. 

Education is key. We've got to learn to treat people with diseases such as 
alcoholism and depression with respect for what they're going through. Rather 
than asking what's wrong when someone expresses their inner most struggles we 
must learn to ask "how can I help?"  Empathy, rather than apathy, is a quality 
we are born with. It should be reinforced in our educational system. As we learn 
to see empathy and understanding as qualities to be proud of we will grow, 
personally as well as a society that deals increasingly effective at intervening 
and interrupting the most tragic outcome of such insurmountable pain.  

We're each a miracle in a galaxy of miracles. We are each no more or less a 
miracle than every other person on this planet. And, as such, each one of us 
deserves the love and respect we all treasure.